Words of Wisdom for Aspiring Pilots

[Crunk415balla]

Three great tips right from God himself, and of course I mean my new found mentor who happens to be our resident Mercedes driving Comair pilot, that I thought I'd share with the aspiring airline pilots here.

1) Hairspray. It gets ink off your uniform, always have it handy.
2) Make a list of what lounges check your ID, and which ones don't. Free food is a good thing.
3) Work=Bad, No Work=Good. If you have to make more than 2 FMC entries, thats work. Which is bad. Let the controller know that.
4) Never date pilots within your own airline. Ever.
5) There are two kinds of female pilots, those who love flying like the rest of us, and those who are doing it out of spite. Know how to identify them and steer clear of the second kind. They're dangerous.
6) Don't make too many friends at your own airline, you'll never see them. Even if you are based out of the same airport and fly on the same days.
7) Fly on A320s as much as possible, be sure to come up with a different sarcastic explanation of the squeaking of the hydraulic pumps on each flight, as if you're in uniform, someone will always ask.
8 ) Complain about everything. Its fun and everyone's afraid to stop you.
9) When on an outing to an Asian Buffet that potentially serves food as well as women, always go in uniform. Always.
10) Once you get to the right seat, stop going after women. Its time they come to you.
11) Don't fly for Mesa.

Keep all that in mind for the rest of your career and you're in for a good time.

[brianw999]

Not that I'm about to become a pilot but....
Re:...

5) There are two kinds of female pilots, those who love flying like the rest of us, and those who are doing it out of spite. Know how to identify them and steer clear of the second kind. They're dangerous.

Slightly out of context as it relates to a female air traffic controller but I recall a story where "Flight 123" ( name changed to protect the guilty ! ) made a wrong turn on to the wrong taxiway at a very busy major US airport.

The conversations went like this....

Controller ( in an increasingly angry and sarcastic tone )

"123, where the hell do you think you're going ? I told you to take a left at Lima and report holding at Lima Alpha. You've taken a left at Papa and I bet you're about to call holding at Papa Alpha, aren't you ? Don't you pilots ever listen to simple instructions ? You stay right there until I sort out the mess you've caused and DON'T GO ANYWHERE 'til I give you clearance, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?

Pilot ( Sheepishly )

"Tower, roger that ma'am holding at Papa Alpha until cleared further....sorry."

Ten seconds or so go by and an unidentified voice on frequency says......






"Wasn't I married to you once ?"

[Crunk415balla]

Looks like my ex-girlfriend wasted no time going into a career after highschool.