Joke...

[brianw999]

A bloke walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?
'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it...
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?''What's so special about it?'
The bloke explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
'Well... it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The bloke smiles, taps his watch and says,'Bloody thing's an hour fast.'

[pdeboer]

Men Are Like...

... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

... Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

[Omar Alex Saffe]

And....
WOMEN ARE LIKE...

...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.

...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.

...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.

...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

[pdeboer]

[pawelmarta]

Hello Everyone,

Here is a short one.

Steven: Why do you close your eyes while playing the piano?
Micheal: I can't see the agony of the audience.

[DAIRD]

A man comes an airline counter:
"A ticket to Lissabon for me, the large black suitcase goes to Anchorage and the small red one to Mumbai please!"
"This is not possible, Sir!" the airline agent replies.
"Why not? Last Friday it was absolutely possible..."

[Cam]

Nice one Brian!